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Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and [...]

A wife was begining to worry about her and her husbands non-existant sex life. So one afternoon the woman decided to ask her friend for some advice on how to put the spark back into her marriage.
Her friend gave her some advice that always worked with her own husband. She told the woman that every [...]

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?”
“11″ he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.”
“What two days of [...]

Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly
letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she
insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little
Johnny said, “I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I’m
very proud of that fact.”
The teacher says, “If I show you I can [...]